Kari Adams

The purpose of this phenomenological study was to explore the “lived experience” of choral music teacher educators (MTEs) in hybrid positions at tier 1 research universities. After interviews with eight choral MTEs from across the United States, three themes emerged from our data: inseparable identity components, reciprocity of selves, and externally derived tension. Inseparable identity components described the ways in which participants sought to align the components of their job with their holistic teacher–researcher–conductor identities. Reciprocity of selves referred to how participants’ teacher, researcher, and conductor selves informed and were informed by each other. Finally, participants maintained security in their own holistic sense of self but experienced externally derived tension as they navigated the structural divide of performance and education in higher education.

The purpose of this study was to examine our music teacher educator (MTE) identity construction. Our research questions were: (a) How did we describe our MTE identity construction during our doctoral education? and (b) What experiences were most salient in our MTE identity construction during our doctoral education? We used basic qualitative methods to conduct a self-study of our transition from music educators to teacher educators. Hermans and Hermans-Konopka’s dialogical self theory was our theoretical framework. Through analysis, our findings coalesced around three themes: (a) experiences of uncertainty and tension related to who we were as people; (b) wrestling with uncertainty through internal conflict, open-ended mentorship, gradually adopting nuance, fearing rejection, and seeking acceptance; and (c) an expanded sense of self as we incorporated parts of being an MTE into our whole selves, embraced agency in meaning-making, accepted tension, and began offering transformative experiences to our students. Implications for music teacher education are discussed.