Susan D. Boon

Seemingly benign extradyadic behaviors (e.g., buying/receiving gifts or talking on the phone) may be perceived as infidelity under certain circumstances, therefore causing distress and conflict in romantic relationships. A policy‐capturing method was used to illuminate the relative role of contextual factors (secrecy, frequency of the behavior, and the victim's familiarity with the rival) in perceiving whether a mundane, everyday extradyadic act is perceived to cross the line from benign to infidelity. In two sessions, 135 participants completed individual difference measures and rated 30 different vignettes in which the extradyadic behavior (i.e., direct messaging on social media) was held constant, but levels of contextual factors varied. Participants perceived secrecy as the most important contextual factor in deciding whether a mundane extradyadic behavior constituted infidelity, followed by frequency. The victim's familiarity with the rival was deemed least important. Higher reactive jealousy predicted higher perception of the behavior as infidelity and greater anticipated emotional distress following the behavior. Implications for how couples discuss the boundaries of their relationships and understand the source of emotional distress experienced after seemingly benign extradyadic behaviors are discussed.